Medication Comedy Gifts

'I've been on this stuff and I'll tell ya, the side effects go great with a bottle of pinot grigio.'

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

'I tell them it's for a patient in the next room and they don't complain about their shot.'

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

'Urology...can you hold?'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

'When you said I had to come in for a scan, this isn't what I had in mind.'

"I'm sorry, but it's just not going to work out between us. We're contraindicated."

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

"I'm going to have to draw some blood."

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

"Your report card says you don't interact well with other medications."

"May I suggest we up your medication, sire.

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

Prescriptions and Side-effects consultant.

"If anyone has a question do not hesitate to open your mouth wide up."

'Perhaps we should start off with an underwear transplant.'

Save the bacon,

"Doctor - can I administer my own anaesthetic?"

Arm puncture...

"… Yes, but you only have to take it once a year."

"These drugs won't do much, but the combined side effects are a hoot!"

'Your physician has to have more confidence in e-prescribing. He followed up with a fax, an e-mail, and a phone call.'