Medical Comedic Relief Gifts

Arm puncture...

Ice Cream Surgeon

PSA Banter.

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

World Cup Fever

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'No, I'm sorry, Danny. I'm afraid your dad won't be able to shoot laser beams from his eyes after surgery.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

You can relax now.

"I like when we get organ transplants from New York because they always throw in a dozen bagels."

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

It was a pretty vicious attack. He's lost a lot of candy.

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'