Medication Humor Fans Gifts

'What did I say - take the strange blue pills out of their pockets before you eat people!'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'Who wants to be examined first?'

"I think it stopped breathing."

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'

"Well, you may not have the body of an athlete, but you certainly have the foot of one."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

The Uterus in the form of a Ewe

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

'I've discovered you have feet of clay.'

"Here comes the super-visor."

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"