Medication Humor Fans Pillows

'What did I say - take the strange blue pills out of their pockets before you eat people!'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'

"Well, you may not have the body of an athlete, but you certainly have the foot of one."

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

'I think you'll get a kick out of our 'haunted' MRI, Mrs. Hanratty.'

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

'I've discovered you have feet of clay.'

"Here comes the super-visor."

The Uterus in the form of a Ewe

Johns Hopkins School of Best Medicine

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.