Preparing For Fatherhood Gifts

Parenting Academy...I failed insemination.

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

'What has twelve legs and barks?'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

A baby playing on a grand piano

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

Food deliverer's baby.

"That's mine!"

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

Dad Trophies

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

"Which end does the diaper go on 'cause there's stuff comin' out of both of 'em!"

Roger Buffle Jr. supplies his father with yet another computer password.

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

"Which one's yours?"

"You really shouldn't ask for material things like a bike. At least try for a Porsche."

"Which one's yours?"

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"It's a dependent!"

'I'm a work-at-home dad.'

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

Father nursing his sick child

"My first Father's day!"

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

Mime father in the delivery room.

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

"Every time I tie my shoes, the laces come undone...I think it's a conspiracy!"