Becoming A New Father Gifts

'It's a brand new baby boy'

"Which one's yours?"

'Typical new dad: the kid's still a maggot - barely able to squirm - but Dewey's already brought him a regulation size football.'

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

'What's play?'

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

'What has twelve legs and barks?'

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

Doughboy Dad

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

Food deliverer's baby.

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Your wife has given birth to the blues.'

"That's mine!"

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

Dad Trophies

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"Which end does the diaper go on 'cause there's stuff comin' out of both of 'em!"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

Roger Buffle Jr. supplies his father with yet another computer password.

'My father is very hard to communicate with ? he only knows nouns and interjections.'

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'