Premature Birth Pillows

"Might as well try and acclimate them when they're young."

Oh! I always get a card on March 31st. My daughter was a preemie. Happy Mother's Day!

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

A midwife holding a baby

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

Whoa

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

Happy Birthday to you.

Baby Hairstyles.

"Baby Jackson Pollock"

"That is one absorbent nappy."

"Sorry Tina, I won't be able to come over: Joey is finally asleep and I don't dare move..."

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"Were we expecting a baby?"

Playing Mozart to the baby.

Batman's Baby

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

Maternity Ward

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"Which one's yours?"

Open other end

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."