Premature Birth Pillows

"Might as well try and acclimate them when they're young."

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

A midwife holding a baby

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

"That is one absorbent nappy."

"Baby Jackson Pollock"

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

Baby Hairstyles.

Happy Birthday to you.

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Sorry Tina, I won't be able to come over: Joey is finally asleep and I don't dare move..."

Playing Mozart to the baby.

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

Maternity Ward

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"Which one's yours?"

Open other end

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

"After the whole history of human evolution, you'd have thought a bigger birth canal would have developed!"