Pregnancy Enthusiasts Pillows

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

Baby Footballer

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

Maternity Ward

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Uterus: One size fits all.

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

'He's more supportive after his nap.'

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

Baby on Board

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'It's a girl and she's an artist in her gestational period.'

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

"Six down, three to go!!"

Maternity Arrivals

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"No, dear, the baby didn't take a selfie. It's an ultrasound."

Ringtones Kids Can't Hear.

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

'They can be so modest at this age.'

'What a coincidence....that's my mum's name to!'

Baby Wind Up.

Womb for Kids

'How far along are you?'

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.