Maternity Enthusiast Pillows

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"Oh, look, they're having a fight!"

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

A pregnant woman wears a shirt that says "Baby"with an arrow pointing down, while a mother holds a baby that is an arrow pointing up.

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

Maternity Ward

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

Uterus: One size fits all.

'Listen! It kicked again right here. I swear it's not appendicitis!'

Open other end

'How many fingers do you see?'

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

Baby on Board

Maternity Hospital

'You're up the duff with a bun in the oven.'

Giving Birth

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

Baby Footballer

"No, dear, the baby didn't take a selfie. It's an ultrasound."

'Well, he certainly has his Father's vocabulary.'

'Oh, boy - stereo!'

Pelvis birth canal exit: Width restrictions apply.

Maternity Ward "Just call me the Secretary of Labor."