Expectant Mom Enthusiast Pillows

"Got any cravings?"

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Pool attached to child's bed.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

An expecting Flower wearing a 'Baby here, arrow t-shirt' saying BUD

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

'Listen! It kicked again right here. I swear it's not appendicitis!'

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

Baby name suggestions.

Uterus: One size fits all.

Open other end

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

'Yes, the baby should arrive soon: Her nesting instinct is in overdrive!'

"My inner child feels threatened by my inner baby."

'I trust this is a non-smoking uterus!'

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."