Maternity Aficionado Pillows

Maternity Ward "Just call me the Secretary of Labor."

"Well at least now I ca almost imagine the level of pain my husband goes through when he's got a cold."

"Haven't been there, haven't done that."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

I love my family!

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

A pregnant woman wears a shirt that says "Baby"with an arrow pointing down, while a mother holds a baby that is an arrow pointing up.

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

Maternity Ward

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

'How many fingers do you see?'

Open other end

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

Uterus: One size fits all.

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

'Listen! It kicked again right here. I swear it's not appendicitis!'

7 Dwarves of Fatherhood

Lemming mothers

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

Maternity Hospital

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

'You're up the duff with a bun in the oven.'

Honey, I'm home. Did you change Kyle's diaper?

Giving Birth

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"