Maternity Mirth Enthusiasts Pillows

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

Maternity Ward

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

Maternity Ward "Just call me the Secretary of Labor."

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

'And remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Maternity ward on the farm.

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

"Well at least now I ca almost imagine the level of pain my husband goes through when he's got a cold."

"Yeah, those first few minutes...nothing but a lot of slap and tickle!"

Innie Outie

"Hard to tell...He was wearing a mask."

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

An expecting Fly wearing a 'Baby here, arrow t-shirt' saying MAGGOT.

"Haven't been there, haven't done that."

Please take a number...

Womb Rating

Normal pregnancies, premature pregnancies, born again Christians.

"I should have started this three months ago....contractions play havoc with jigsaw puzzles!!"

"Nothing much. Just going to get rid of some belly fat."

Best used before 40 years.

Smart Suburban Maternity Hospital - "My Evian waters have broken."