Prayerful Pretenders Gifts

'They're praying the school doesn't find out that they've been pretending to be religious.'

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

"This might take awhile, Lord."

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

"But honey, I've spent my last 30 years pretending to look busy. I can't quit overnight."

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

"And please let Alan Greenspan accept the things he cannot change, give him the courage to change the things he can and the wisdom to know the difference."

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

Thanks God!

Miserable man holding a balloon with smiling face.

"Because we're jerks."

Exercise for the end of the day...

"I'm not sure if this is getting through and I don't know what time you finish for the day...."

"Don't even think of going over my head Brother James!"

"Dear God, what's the meaning of knife."

Monk at prayer, "and take care, if anything happens to you we're sunk!"

'Mr. Turtle is interested in 'Single Prayer Health Insurance'...'

'Your prayers may be monitored for quality assurance.'

Answer to Prayers - NO

"I don't get it. I've prayed to God to get rich just like the televangelist told me. but nothing happened."

Pray now - Go later.

'Yes, you have to say a prayer of thanks for the shrimp. Just a little one.'

Amen

'The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit...Amen.'

"Mind if I pray through?"

'Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change this things that I can, and the kind of money where I don't really care either way.'

"Sorry, the line is busy again. He and Joe Lieberman are still exchanging pleasantries."

"Lord, help the GOP reject missile reduction, hasrening the second coming and Armageddon!"

"Now that's commitment!"

'If it's alright with you, I'd rather not inherit the earth.'

'I'm really quite religious. I pray every time I buy a lottery ticket.'

'I don't normally pray but I'm desperate for ?5,000.'

'Give us this day our daily bread, except for the knuckle sandwich Eddie Whitley promised me.'