Prayerful Punter Gifts

'I'm really quite religious. I pray every time I buy a lottery ticket.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

Thanks God!

'Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees for the next available God.'

Saloon Selectives

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

"Don't even think of going over my head Brother James!"

Monk at prayer, "and take care, if anything happens to you we're sunk!"

Pray now - Go later.

'I bet I can tell you the score before the game starts. Nil-nil.'

My Day - Cow Today Magazine

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

'Yes, you have to say a prayer of thanks for the shrimp. Just a little one.'

"I don't get it. I've prayed to God to get rich just like the televangelist told me. but nothing happened."

Gambler And Umpire

'Twenty quid will be great, I'll give you it back on Thursday when I get my Giro.'

"Lord, help the GOP reject missile reduction, hasrening the second coming and Armageddon!"

"Mind if I pray through?"

'The buck stops here'

Donkey Fights

The last word in Alphabet Soup.

'Ditto.'