Prayerful Pretenders Pillows

'They're praying the school doesn't find out that they've been pretending to be religious.'

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

"This might take awhile, Lord."

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

"But honey, I've spent my last 30 years pretending to look busy. I can't quit overnight."

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

"And please let Alan Greenspan accept the things he cannot change, give him the courage to change the things he can and the wisdom to know the difference."

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

Thanks God!

"Because we're jerks."

"Dear God, what's the meaning of knife."

"I'm not sure if this is getting through and I don't know what time you finish for the day...."

Exercise for the end of the day...

"Don't even think of going over my head Brother James!"

Monk at prayer, "and take care, if anything happens to you we're sunk!"

'Mr. Turtle is interested in 'Single Prayer Health Insurance'...'

'Your prayers may be monitored for quality assurance.'

Answer to Prayers - NO

"I don't get it. I've prayed to God to get rich just like the televangelist told me. but nothing happened."

'Yes, you have to say a prayer of thanks for the shrimp. Just a little one.'

Pray now - Go later.

Amen

'Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change this things that I can, and the kind of money where I don't really care either way.'

"Lord, help the GOP reject missile reduction, hasrening the second coming and Armageddon!"

"Mind if I pray through?"

"Sorry, the line is busy again. He and Joe Lieberman are still exchanging pleasantries."

"Now that's commitment!"

'If it's alright with you, I'd rather not inherit the earth.'

'You've made me rich. Would you help me break par?'

Cricketer praying before bed "and please,please,please no short risers on middle and leg."

'I'm really quite religious. I pray every time I buy a lottery ticket.'

"Excellent Hail Mary."