Prayerful Jokesters Pillows

'I'm praying for foam kneelers.'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Lesbians for Christ

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'What, not even a kiss first?'

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Third eye

Robot porn.

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

"It was worth a try."

'Any idea why your boyfriend is handing out cigars in the pub?'

"So I'll have to believe it so see it?"

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."