Prayerful Comedian Pillows

"Perhaps if you gave me one big lump sum of cash, I wouldn't have to keep asking for small amounts all the time."

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

St. Elmo's fired.

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Applause

'Still no money, but a lot more IOU's than usual!'

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

"... And the cold foam cascara nitro goes to Lazarus!"

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

"Closed until further notice."

"First, you have to get their attention."

Me, Alice and God

'Forget it - the nearest wi-fi hot spot is in Rangoon.'

'Yeah, my head gets cold, too, but the hat sends the wrong message.'

'...But I confessed to Oprah...isn't that in there?'

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

'One reason I like hanging out with you is you give me so many good ideas for my sermons.'

Priest reads sign above fire extinguisher that says: 'In case of quenchable fire, break glass'.

"Don't even think of going over my head Brother James!"

'Thanks for the thought but we can't accept lottery tickets.'

"You talkin' to me?"

"Thank you for holding, your prayers have advanced in the queue and will be answered by the next available deity."

'Saint Francis changes his mind about animals'

St Peter at gates of Heaven tells thuggish looking man: 'You're in the wrong place, alright. Let me guess: sat nav?'