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"Perhaps if you gave me one big lump sum of cash, I wouldn't have to keep asking for small amounts all the time."

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

St. Elmo's fired.

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Applause

You may have hired the best lawyer but I don't think that you can sue God because of a downgoing Dow Jones, sir.

'Still no money, but a lot more IOU's than usual!'

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

"Jesus is not here. Let's check the one over..."

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

"... And the cold foam cascara nitro goes to Lazarus!"

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

"Closed until further notice."

"First, you have to get their attention."

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

'Yeah, my head gets cold, too, but the hat sends the wrong message.'

'...But I confessed to Oprah...isn't that in there?'

'Forget it - the nearest wi-fi hot spot is in Rangoon.'

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'

Me, Alice and God

'I'm sorry but you obviously don't believe in God because you didn't forward the religious emails to 10 or more people in your address book.'

Priest reads sign above fire extinguisher that says: 'In case of quenchable fire, break glass'.

'One reason I like hanging out with you is you give me so many good ideas for my sermons.'

"Don't even think of going over my head Brother James!"

Placed by the Gideons

"You talkin' to me?"

"Thank you for holding, your prayers have advanced in the queue and will be answered by the next available deity."

'Thanks for the thought but we can't accept lottery tickets.'

'Saint Francis changes his mind about animals'

"Yeah. What I remember most is that you still owe me money!"