Holy Jokesters Pillows

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Lesbians for Christ

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Kid in hospital has I.V. in him that is a straw.

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'He's just de-man's-best-friended me.'

'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Robot porn.

Third eye