Pratchett Aficionado Gifts

'Hello, my name is Death'

"Alright! Whoa! Yes! More boiled food!"

The Brothers Grime

TV jester.

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

T-Shirt reads: 'Out of mind, I won't be back.'

"Let's do it, let's fall in love!"

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

"Someone should have warned you - he doesn't suffer fools gladly."

Whatever works for you.

"Mrs. Barnes is to have a complete head-to-toe – she's to be the victim in a bandage-instruction class."

"Yes, you were found guilty of the same crime in 2004."

Lancelot put to the Test.

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

Tea and Sugar Rationing

'During discovery we found five more things to bill about.'

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of a living Constitution!'

My wife! My best friend! My matching tracksuit!

Romantic knight.

Shy Man at Party

'It had a happy ending... the guy loses the girl, but finds a good attorney.'

'Make sure you remove all the cookies when you're done.'

In the days before Newton discovered gravity...

"Well, then why don't the British just borrow Major Eliot from the Herald Tribune."

'Remember, Son - You're never too young to litigate.'

'I told you we took a wrong trail at the Oregon/Idaho border, but NO, you wouldn't stop and ask for directions.'

Less successful 1990s T-shirt designs.

Lemmings jump off a cliff wearing t-shirts reading 'I'm with stupid'.

"He wants to know if I'm alone."

Obese man wearing a T-shirt with 'Too Big To Fail'.

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'