Aspiring Terry Pratchett Gifts

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

"I can't decide who gets the promotion, so we'll settle it with a rope toy Tug O' War."

'Anything is possible in our great country, son. If an Afro-American can become president, a white man can become a pro basketball player.'

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

Pentagon Science Contest: '...It's a contest by the pentagon. They're gonna pay out half a million bucks to someone who comes up with the best idea on how people could travel to another solar system.'

Isn't there something about this in th Geneva Convention

"Is it me or are the obstacle courses getting harder?"

'When you talk about playing, 'at the next level', you mean lawyering, right, not the NBA?'

"I think feeling a certain amount of anxiety over the up coming race with the Hare is perfectly normal!"

'I think they're still just sizing each other up.'

'Hello, my name is Death'

'Before we get into the scope, the breadth, the gravity and the cost of this mess...pour yourself a drink...'

'You've got to give her points for originality.'

"I hope this makes it clearer!"

Cheetah in at the start of a race, thinking: 'Why do I have to keep proving myself?'

Bernard Hinault

The Knockout.

"Nah...not really...he's only won one game!" (Clever dog).

'We have separate bedrooms because I snore and because I can't stand the sight of her.'

27 attorneys. No waiting.

Lawyers offices, with todays score card. - Won...Lost ...Tied

'The numbers don't look quite so bad along with the hard liquor.'

"I thought they decided who was the best team last year?"

"Here's your problem."

"Congratulations Fergueson. I admire a man who'd rather beat his boss at golf, than get a big fat promotion."

Gymnasium/Creche.

Lawyers Playing Tennis

'I think they're targeting me!'

'If you want me to mount you 22-pound bass you've got to let go of it.'