Practicality Gifts

In a Quandary

"With the cost of heating oil at an all-time high, perhaps you now regret exchanging those sensible Christmas sweaters for the fleeting amusement of toys."

'I know it's the thought that counts - what were you thinking?'

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

Down to earthworms.

"To heck with a husband... just help me find a dependable electrician."

"Well I wouldn't have to embarrass myself like this if they just gave us robes with pockets!"

'What do you mean 'can I include receipts with all the gifts for easy return?' '

Ladies' Sensible Shows: Closing down sale.

'Yes please put 'To my one and only love'...that way if we break up and she throws it back at me, I can use it on someone else.'

"The turnstile will help count attendance and raise the offering."

"I'm ordering some hot lingerie online...Relax romeo, it's thermal underwear."

"That's Terri and Kip. . . our Imaginators. And over here is Al. He's our Get-real-inator."

"Fred doesn't take photos. He relives our vacation memories by viewing credit card receipts."

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

Reasonableman

"I need a simple fix. No one asked you to reinvent the wheel."

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

"Forget it – we're not buying some expensive sex robot for it to end up unused in the garage with the massaging armchair and the rowing machine."

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

The girl with the sensible shoes.

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

'The old one fell apart.'

'I can use surgery to restore your sex drive. Do you want the £3000 operation or the £4000 one?' - 'I'd rather have a new kitchen.'

'I don't need your love. I need a 401 (k) and health insurance.'

"I wasn't smart enough for college. So instead of a diploma and a quarter million of debt all I've got is a growing plumbing business and a steady income."

'Oh look, I a flying saw sir.'

Philosophy - who said it has no practical uses

Not Such A Fool As He Looks.

'Go get someone from accounting to kill this damn excitement.'

'And if I agreed, what sort of means would we be living within?'

As Dumb as Dirt?

Ankle Watch

'I believe she was hoping for something a little less practical.'