Practical Living Gifts

"Forget it – we're not buying some expensive sex robot for it to end up unused in the garage with the massaging armchair and the rowing machine."

The girl with the sensible shoes.

'I can use surgery to restore your sex drive. Do you want the £3000 operation or the £4000 one?' - 'I'd rather have a new kitchen.'

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

Bill and Lester have a 'Hay Day'.

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"You haven't enjoyed the Yule log till you've enjoyed it in high def."

'Home Schooling'

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

Grandma was very innovative in her ideas!

Latest Greatest Fastest Computer...versus Good Enough.

"Here's the remote to your smart home. It's big, but the good news is you'll never lose it."

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

"I wonder what our self-cooking kitchen has for us today."

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

"To heck with a husband... just help me find a dependable electrician."

Mall of ages

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

A mom watches as her children get into a large SUV using a staircase.

'The old one fell apart.'

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

"The horse is nice, but we could really use the blender."

The Finding Yourself Hour.

"This is the main house, plus there's a cottage on the property where your Lyft driver would live."

The Rudges' peaceful home