Practical Purchases Gifts

'The old one fell apart.'

Selling lemon latt�

Latest Greatest Fastest Computer...versus Good Enough.

"Forget it – we're not buying some expensive sex robot for it to end up unused in the garage with the massaging armchair and the rowing machine."

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"To heck with a husband... just help me find a dependable electrician."

The girl with the sensible shoes.

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

'It makes a cutting edge fashion statement, plus it has room for a gas mask and compact bio hazard suit.'

Mall of ages

Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

"The horse is nice, but we could really use the blender."

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

I should have known the romance was gone from our relationship when...

High end of the market...

"They came up with a new class of anti-depressants that will inhibit compulsive shopping."

'I can use surgery to restore your sex drive. Do you want the £3000 operation or the £4000 one?' - 'I'd rather have a new kitchen.'

In a Quandary

'I don't need your love. I need a 401 (k) and health insurance.'

"That one is non-wash. Also no ironing is required."

Purchasing and Sales

'Now a romantic gift is a new robe and slippers.'

Bag for life and a bag for wife.

"I'm in a purchasing mood, but I don't know if I feel like goods or services."

"Fred doesn't take photos. He relives our vacation memories by viewing credit card receipts."

The wedding-day - fourteenth anniversary.

"That's Terri and Kip. . . our Imaginators. And over here is Al. He's our Get-real-inator."

"I'm ordering some hot lingerie online...Relax romeo, it's thermal underwear."

'Next year could I just have the chocolates!'

It was too late to retract her bid. Catherine had purchased the small man on the motorbike'

"Wow. I've never gotten a bouquet of power tools before."

'You knew I was an impulse shopper when you married me!'

'I know it's the thought that counts - what were you thinking?'

"Pssst! Interested in women's clothes with actual real pockets?"