Purchasing Gifts

Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.

Supplier Competition

"I'm in a purchasing mood, but I don't know if I feel like goods or services."

Purchasing and Sales

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

Selling lemon latt�

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

Supply Chain

"This is what happens when you award the contract to the cheapest tender...."

How Many It Takes

"UK government aren’t budging boss. Sole supplier or not under the new procurement regulations our new contract has to have three KPIs..."

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

'In conclusion; our major contract expires tomorrow, we have no idea what we want, and no knowledge of the market, It is time to pass this across to the Procurement Team...'

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

"Gentleman, come in! Come in! Let me take your company."

"Aren't you the old guy in purchasing whose decades of slavish devotion inspired us to replace you with a small army of sycophants?"

'I realize this is your first sales call, young man, but 15 minutes is way too long to shake hands.'

"Well that answers the question 'Does the CEO understand what we do?'!"

Biblical Procurement Tales: Project Ark.

"You and your 'Go with the flow.'"

Karen was delighted that both her large and small suppliers had turned up for her industry day

'In conclusion, the supplier who can repeat this phrase fastest with least mistakes wins the catering contract...'

'The old one fell apart.'

"I came, I saw I takeovered."

"I have been inputting garbage into my systems for 12 months, why is this spend analysis GARBAGE?!"

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

"If a sixth borough opens up, I'll let you know."

High end of the market...

"They came up with a new class of anti-depressants that will inhibit compulsive shopping."

'Hold on, the play is under review.'

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

"So we are four days into the new Procurement Act. How are you feeling?"/"I am ok and everything seems to be fine, but I miss the anticipation."

Salesman given 10 minutes under extreme pressure to sell to buyer