Practical Shopper Gifts

Latest Greatest Fastest Computer...versus Good Enough.

Mall of ages

Bag for life and a bag for wife.

'She's so put together!'

"I think I've found the most comfy jeans."

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

"I shop, therefore I am."

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

'I've never opened her up on the highway, but I get great mileage in the city!'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

"It's black, but it's not New York black."

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

I thought you said Megson couldn't be bought.

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

"Perhaps a cozy scarf to go with the hat?"

'What can you get with a quarter?'

'She's on the trail of a pair of Jimmy Choo's.'

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

STRIP Hambone: Expensive repair job

The Bargain Brand

Everything for a buck.

'Do you have any relaxed fit jeans that aren't quite so relaxed?'

'It makes a cutting edge fashion statement, plus it has room for a gas mask and compact bio hazard suit.'

How much would you take off for cash?

'I went to see a personal shopper this afternoon. . . I thought I'd surprise you!'

Guilty Pleasures

"You went to Barneys without me? You slut!"

Self Magazine,

"I can't believe I spent seven million dollars on tights."