Practicality Appreciator Gifts

"No, yours is more useful, believe me."

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

"Of course I'm aware of reality! I mean, we met in St. Thomas, got engaged in Austria, announced it in London and now we're getting married in the Flatbush Jewish Center!"

"...Everyone you meet on the way up, you'll meet again on the way down."

"To heck with a husband... just help me find a dependable electrician."

Soldier, Statesman, Travel Agent

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

"This poem was written at a time in my life when I wrote a poem."

"I owe it all to my pacemaker."

In a Quandary

"Some clean room - there's a fly in my potassium nitrate."

"There's always one kid that spoils the class picture."

'Well Ma, I guess it's time to update our milking machine.'

"I was just kidding when I said that thing they sit on is a giant chew toy. I hope you can act cute, because you're in big trouble."

Barristers playing a joke

"Fred doesn't take photos. He relives our vacation memories by viewing credit card receipts."

"That's Terri and Kip. . . our Imaginators. And over here is Al. He's our Get-real-inator."

"I'm ordering some hot lingerie online...Relax romeo, it's thermal underwear."

'I know it's the thought that counts - what were you thinking?'

"Yes, you will get a company car. It'll have a big, blue flashing light on the roof!"

"Please help me get these squirrels out of my pants. This isn't a pickup line. I really need assistance."

'This is the last time I go golfing with a lumberjack.'

"Sure, we hobnobbed, but we never networked."

"With the cost of heating oil at an all-time high, perhaps you now regret exchanging those sensible Christmas sweaters for the fleeting amusement of toys."

'You didn't read the small print. 'Must be accompanied by both parents...''

Rhinoceros playing Bilboquet.

Ladies' Sensible Shows: Closing down sale.

"Is this the first time you've been on a computer?"

'I told you not to lean on the door Ronald!'

Un-Hip-Flask

"It's all fixed. Just don't put more than two gallons in it."