Practicality Pro Gifts

"It's all fixed. Just don't put more than two gallons in it."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"In the current market, it's just more practical."

Worker ant's To Do list.

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

'It's my own fault. I never upgraded my skills. I was replaced by a man half my age with a more advanced smartphone and hundreds of productive apps.'

Stress

Grandma was very innovative in her ideas!

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

"At work, we've switched to video calls for meetings, so my productivity has shot up exponentially. . ."

"Forget it – we're not buying some expensive sex robot for it to end up unused in the garage with the massaging armchair and the rowing machine."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"How flexible are we on the issue of flex time?"

Swiss Army Desk

'I got the job, Mom. You always said I'd make a living with my hands.'

"To heck with a husband... just help me find a dependable electrician."

The girl with the sensible shoes.

'Slap me and I'll see you in court.'

napping at work

"I can see you and I'm still too busy."

"He seems to be a bit of a crybaby."

'In future meetings, let's serve only decaffeinated coffee, Ms Williams.'

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

'You get paid for what you produce at work not what you produce at home.'

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

Having flexibility over where and when you work, can help with your productivity.

'I can use surgery to restore your sex drive. Do you want the £3000 operation or the £4000 one?' - 'I'd rather have a new kitchen.'

"If only I'd thought to take my damn phone with me, I could be getting some work done."

In a Quandary

'I don't need your love. I need a 401 (k) and health insurance.'

"He's beginning to find that homeworking is much harder than he thought."

"Effective client support requires an ability to multitask."