Practicality Ponderer Gifts

"Emily is very attractive, but Katy has more long-term earning potential."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'We need to have a shake-up!'

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

Experience-Productivity Ratio / Age-Salary Ratio.

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

"When I said you're doing a hell of a job, Krueger, I didn't mean it as a compliment!"

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

"We lose more productivity to viral internet memes than we do to actual viruses."

George Santayana

Bumper Limos

"Woah - random!"

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

"All of my friends are imaginary."

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

"Congratulations you've escaped. Now what?"

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

"I find I'm way more productive when I don't prioritize."

Bothers my conscience a little bit/May keep me up for a night or two/Am I really stooping this low?

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

Bill couldn't explain it but every day around 3 o'clock he would hit the wall.