Practicality Ponderer Gifts

"Emily is very attractive, but Katy has more long-term earning potential."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'We need to have a shake-up!'

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

Experience-Productivity Ratio / Age-Salary Ratio.

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"When I said you're doing a hell of a job, Krueger, I didn't mean it as a compliment!"

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

"All of my friends are imaginary."

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

Bumper Limos

"We lose more productivity to viral internet memes than we do to actual viruses."

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

"Woah - random!"

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

"I find I'm way more productive when I don't prioritize."

"Congratulations you've escaped. Now what?"

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

Bothers my conscience a little bit/May keep me up for a night or two/Am I really stooping this low?

Bill couldn't explain it but every day around 3 o'clock he would hit the wall.

"I wasn't smart enough for college. So instead of a diploma and a quarter million of debt all I've got is a growing plumbing business and a steady income."