Practicality Aficionado Gifts

Swiss Army Couch.

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

'It makes a cutting edge fashion statement, plus it has room for a gas mask and compact bio hazard suit.'

"I pronounce you guilty as charged and wife."

"We're streamlining efficiency by cutting the staff who we employed to improve efficiency."

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

Desk bins: Errors of Commission/ Errors of Omission/ Innovative Combinations of Both

"The horse is nice, but we could really use the blender."

'And now for the (Yawn!) morning report....'

"Goodbye, masked consultant. And thanks for reducing our inefficiencies."

I should have known the romance was gone from our relationship when...

'Lion!'

'I really lose patience with people who moan all the time about their supposed 'workloads'.'

"Our founder was a real joker. That's the first silver dollar he ever glued to the floor."

"That one is non-wash. Also no ironing is required."

'Let's practice lobs again.'

"Sir, you may find this book very helpful, too."

Sphinx high jinks.

Uptight Fishing...'we put the bait on for you'

'I like that guy. He gets a splitting headache, but instead of quitting, he calls time out, the athletic trainer tapes him up, and he gets right back in the game.'

'Where's Beiber?'

Sock drawer.

"When you get back out there, I want you to make him think you're losing."

Drive-thru Flu Clinic.

New chess champion 31st November 2018

"It's Albert's revamped version of the old 'arrow through the head' gag, but it still needs a bit of work."

'Bob, I think I hate people.'

'The McWit boy wasn't likely to go cow tipping on his neighbor's farm again.'

Subway Organizer

"Well, if I practiced all day, too."

Mother drags away her children.

"With the cost of heating oil at an all-time high, perhaps you now regret exchanging those sensible Christmas sweaters for the fleeting amusement of toys."