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Swiss Army Couch.

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

"I pronounce you guilty as charged and wife."

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"We're streamlining efficiency by cutting the staff who we employed to improve efficiency."

'It makes a cutting edge fashion statement, plus it has room for a gas mask and compact bio hazard suit.'

Desk bins: Errors of Commission/ Errors of Omission/ Innovative Combinations of Both

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

"The horse is nice, but we could really use the blender."

'And now for the (Yawn!) morning report....'

I should have known the romance was gone from our relationship when...

'Lion!'

"That one is non-wash. Also no ironing is required."

Uptight Fishing...'we put the bait on for you'

Sphinx high jinks.

"Sir, you may find this book very helpful, too."

'I really lose patience with people who moan all the time about their supposed 'workloads'.'

"Our founder was a real joker. That's the first silver dollar he ever glued to the floor."

'Let's practice lobs again.'

'I like that guy. He gets a splitting headache, but instead of quitting, he calls time out, the athletic trainer tapes him up, and he gets right back in the game.'

"When you get back out there, I want you to make him think you're losing."

Sock drawer.

Drive-thru Flu Clinic.

'The McWit boy wasn't likely to go cow tipping on his neighbor's farm again.'

New chess champion 31st November 2018

Mother drags away her children.

"It's Albert's revamped version of the old 'arrow through the head' gag, but it still needs a bit of work."

'Bob, I think I hate people.'

Subway Organizer

"Well, if I practiced all day, too."

"With the cost of heating oil at an all-time high, perhaps you now regret exchanging those sensible Christmas sweaters for the fleeting amusement of toys."

Remote control heart monitor.