Practicality Skeptic Gifts

'I believe she was hoping for something a little less practical.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

I.T. Fear

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

Computer Class.

Alternative Medicine

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

Privacy

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

Big Brother.

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

"You can't believe everything the Russian bots tell you."