Problem Solving Skeptic Gifts

"Have you been trying to fix this yourself."

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

Alternative Medicine

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

New from Low-Key Press.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"How on earth do you get this blasted box to open...?"

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

You May Bang Your Head Here/You May Talk To Here.

"Of course I'm making things worse. Do you think I'd work for what you're paying me if I knew how to make things better?"

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

Business Confusion

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

Umbrella Roof

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

A good leader has effective conflict resolution strategies in place.

"I totally meant to do that."

'It's a guess. I never said it was an educated guess.'

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

"Recent studies now show that people who use the aphorism ‘whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ have compromised immune systems."

"After giving them the runaround for five minutes, pass them on to anger management."