The Learned Skeptic Gifts

"The Man Who Knew Enough"

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

"God works in mysterious ways."

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

New from Low-Key Press.

Telling Self to Buzz Off

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

Egomaniacs Anonymous - "There's nothing anonymous about me!"

Older cousin press

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

'So help me, which god?'

'I haven't been trying for years and look where it's gotten me.'

'Self-help books for cynics'

"What do the know!"

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

Akron, oh, you're on Ask Sadie. What's your problem?! I'm thinking of not signing up for health insurance this year. Good idea. In my day, there was no such thing as health insurance. If you got sick, you paid for it with either money or chickens. That's if you were a lily-livered coward who just had to see a doctor. When great-great-grandmother Cohen had her sixth heart attack, she just applied a poultice made of chestnut leaves and flour and kept on plowing.

"Please cut and paste these prayers to an other gods up there....just in case I've been following the wrong one."

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

'Thank goodness, the publishers rejected my self help book.'

'I did it the hard way. No self-improvement books.'

Expert examining painting: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid it's a fake."

'Oh my god!'

Success Without Effort

PERSONNEL, 'Your resume has everything but verisimilitude.''

'Bucky's new book, I think.'

Down with Chicken Soup Books

"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"

Self Help ...Beg, Borrow, and Steal

"I'm thinking of skipping the holidays this year, in protest." "Very good, little buddy." "I see you've read chapter 7 of 'Randy "the Rock" Taylor's Guide to Winning Respect'." "Become an admirable person by sacrificing something meaningful to you, in order to help others achieve something meaningful to them." "I'm very proud of you, young grasshopper." "I'm protesting the fact that I can't shop at H&M on Thanksgiving 'cause they'll be closed."