Homework Skeptic Gifts

'For Peter's Home and Careers class, he has to take care of this computerized doll of a 23-year-old son who won't move out of the house.'

'The creative process works best with a relaxed brain, so I'm letting my mind wander to let a solution drift in.'

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

"I figure I have about 20 years of school to go."

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

Alternative Medicine

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

We interrupt this program to bring you, Tommy, a message from you teacher. Have you finished your report on frogs?

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

'But I did study. I guess the software didn't install successfully.'

New from Low-Key Press.

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

'Good, bad dog!'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

'English homework leaves a pleasant after taste. History takes like fast food. But math is a real bummer on my digestive tract.'

'The only thing I'm sure of is death and taxes and home work.'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

I'm in the den mom, reading the newspaper for social studies class.

"I mind my mother, eat my broccoli and do my homework, but you won't tell the guys, will you?"

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

'I've been doing well in school lately, so I think I'm entitled to some dumbing down.'

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."