Syllabus Skeptic Gifts

'Homework? Shouldn't you be telling us that you're a professional and that we shouldn't be trying this at home?'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"God works in mysterious ways."

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

"I'm going to tell them our number one way to be stress-free is taking a day off to go fishing."

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

"Finally, a succinct corporate mission statement."

"We fell for this last time remember..."

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

'But how could me speaking at the Secret New Products Seminar break our Confidentiality Agreement?'

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

"For cryin' out loud, are you signing up or not?"

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing

'It's a wonderful find, and yet there's something suspicious about it.'

Expert examining painting: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid it's a fake."

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"'Love makes a Subaru a Subaru' my eye!"

"You don't even look good on paper."

"You snored through the whole motivational seminar."

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

'I blame the internet.'

'Today's seminar will focus on individual accountability in the workplace. I did not deliver the handouts to the printer on time, soe we won't be able to refer to them. it's not my fault.'

Fish "I hate going back to school"

"We didn't learn anything today. We had to unlearn what the substitute taught us yesterday."

"What did I learn in school today? - Frankly, Mom, you're better off not knowing."

'You know, folks, if they still haven't made you paranoid enough, here's something ELSE for you to think about.... What if Benghazi was just a DISTRACTION?'