Seminar Skeptic Gifts

Business Seminar: How to profit from inflation.

'But how could me speaking at the Secret New Products Seminar break our Confidentiality Agreement?'

'Today's seminar will focus on individual accountability in the workplace. I did not deliver the handouts to the printer on time, soe we won't be able to refer to them. it's not my fault.'

"I'm going to tell them our number one way to be stress-free is taking a day off to go fishing."

Employee Seminar: How Patience Improves Performance. Those not attending face immediate termination.

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

Are you sure we had to attend a one-hour seminar to receive a free flight?

"You snored through the whole motivational seminar."

"I can't believe I've just had to waste three days going on that training."

Remember That True Self Seminar You Sent Me To?

'I just paid $2500, which I borrowed, for a seminar on how to save money.'

"Are you going to this seminar?"

"For cryin' out loud, are you signing up or not?"

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"Yes, Jane Lyons, sitting next to Katy Jones, class of 2018, it is important for a writer to know her audience."

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

"God works in mysterious ways."

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

'I've been to better motivational seminars.'

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

'Success in business door' - keep your finger on the button doorbell.

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

"You know, it really wasn’t that bad."

'We'll skip that rubbish.'

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

'If at first you don't succeed, admit failure and ask for a bailout.'

'I sent an employee to a motivational seminar once. He came back and took my job.'

Tonight's topic Ethical behavior. Personally, I let my conscience by my guide, but I do the driving!