Powerpoint Presenter Gifts

'This Power Point slide has a dynamic layout comparing reading scores throughout the district, which you would have seen if I remembered to bring a spare projection bulb.

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Showbiz Awards

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"Three weeks until the pitch, LOADS of time!"

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

"Are you sure you want to present your ideas in the form of an airplane?"

'It's perfect, but can we see it in white?'

"Let me now direct your attention to the pepperoni."

"You need to take the weak parts of your presentation and work them into something that won't get you fired."

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"I don't know what I'm going to do...my presentation is due on Monday and I haven't even started...I'm not sure I know how to speak."

Presentation skills.

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

"While you make the sales presentation, Monica. I'll scope out the room and try to identify this company's Achilles heel!"

Kiwi Ingenuity

"Wow! That's some PowerPoint presentation."

"Killer performance, but let's get back to the dog and pony show."

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

'And in conclusion, perhaps a change of business model is in order.'