Powerpoint Guru Gifts

'And in conclusion, perhaps a change of business model is in order.'

Not another PowerPoint!

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

If nobody had invented graphics

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"You need to take the weak parts of your presentation and work them into something that won't get you fired."

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

"While you make the sales presentation, Monica. I'll scope out the room and try to identify this company's Achilles heel!"

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

'Well done! This works much better.'

'I'm very worried that if we fail to introduce rigid protocols to maximise client gratification indices within acceptable costbenefit parameters to ensure enhanced margins...then we'll have missed the whole point of what Christmas is about!!!'

'Do you know what I miss? - Chalk talks!'

Graph leads down into egg with a big crack.

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

'Great visual support.'

"It's hard to manage a staff meeting in a company whose employees all have laser pointers."

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

'When I wake up, remind me to give you a few tips on how to make your presentations a little more dynamic.'

'This Power Point slide has a dynamic layout comparing reading scores throughout the district, which you would have seen if I remembered to bring a spare projection bulb.

'Fine presentation, Matthews, but, lose the wiggle dance.'

"And as my chart clearly shows, I haven't got a clue what I'm talking about."

Pie Charts.

Motivational tip #731: Appeal to their sense of entitlement.