Powerpoint Power-user Gifts

"Now let's walk through slide 67...'50 ways to make your presentation more exciting'."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

'Herb will provide one of his concise interpretations of the quarterly sales charts.'

"You need to take the weak parts of your presentation and work them into something that won't get you fired."

Change Management: Change can be ruf.

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

'And in conclusion, perhaps a change of business model is in order.'

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

'Well done! This works much better.'

'I'm very worried that if we fail to introduce rigid protocols to maximise client gratification indices within acceptable costbenefit parameters to ensure enhanced margins...then we'll have missed the whole point of what Christmas is about!!!'

'Do you know what I miss? - Chalk talks!'

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

"No, it hasn't anything to do with my presentation. But wait until you see how I hold everyone's attention with it sitting next to me at the podium."

'First the good news.'

'This Power Point slide has a dynamic layout comparing reading scores throughout the district, which you would have seen if I remembered to bring a spare projection bulb.

'Fine presentation, Matthews, but, lose the wiggle dance.'

"And as my chart clearly shows, I haven't got a clue what I'm talking about."

"I'm feeling a lot of love in the room - with the exception of that guy over there."

"Between you and me he's not the easiest man in the world to work for."

"This part we still need to iron out."

Motivational tip #731: Appeal to their sense of entitlement.

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

'My pitch was going great until I let my guard down and somebody managed to squeeze a word in edgewise!'

"I can talk for hours without saying anything substantial in a completely incomprehensible way. That's why I'm called an expert."

'Nice presentation, but lighten up on the self-deprecating humor.'

Motivational Business Course: Charm, Repetition, Acronyms, Pie Charts.

"Sorry, Roger. The old laser pointer seems to be acting up again!"