Powerpoint Performer Gifts

"I can talk for hours without saying anything substantial in a completely incomprehensible way. That's why I'm called an expert."

"But make of it what you will, for I am but a beast cloaked in man flesh."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"Three weeks until the pitch, LOADS of time!"

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

"Any questions?"

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

'It appears the 'What?'s have it.'

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

Hanging off every word...

"I'll be glad when they invent PowerPoint."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

"You need to take the weak parts of your presentation and work them into something that won't get you fired."

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

"I can't tell you how it ended. That would ruin the sequel."

"Killer performance, but let's get back to the dog and pony show."

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

Presentation Skills: 1. Be Prepared.

'And in conclusion, perhaps a change of business model is in order.'