Powerpoint Performer T-Shirts

"I can talk for hours without saying anything substantial in a completely incomprehensible way. That's why I'm called an expert."

"But make of it what you will, for I am but a beast cloaked in man flesh."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

"Three weeks until the pitch, LOADS of time!"

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

"Any questions?"

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'It appears the 'What?'s have it.'

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

Hanging off every word...

"I'll be glad when they invent PowerPoint."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

"You need to take the weak parts of your presentation and work them into something that won't get you fired."

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

Presentation Skills: 1. Be Prepared.

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

"Killer performance, but let's get back to the dog and pony show."

"I can't tell you how it ended. That would ruin the sequel."