Powerpoint Enthusiast Gifts

'I've prepared this powerpoint presentation about myself which takes precisely the allotted five minutes.'

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'You don't appreciate anything I do...like this PowerPoint presentation listing all the things I do that you don't appreciate.'

'Nice presentation, but lighten up on the self-deprecating humor.'

I admire his PASSION, I REALLY do but 4am Powerpoint presentations on improving customer satisfaction ratios can be a LITTLE wearing!

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

They loved the presentation on competing in the marketplace.

"You need to take the weak parts of your presentation and work them into something that won't get you fired."

Presentation skills.

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

'And in conclusion, perhaps a change of business model is in order.'

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

'Well done! This works much better.'

'I'm very worried that if we fail to introduce rigid protocols to maximise client gratification indices within acceptable costbenefit parameters to ensure enhanced margins...then we'll have missed the whole point of what Christmas is about!!!'

"I've no idea what he said...but he's so darned cute."

'Do you know what I miss? - Chalk talks!'

"Hold your questions until I've talked so long no one knows or cares what you're asking about."

'This Power Point slide has a dynamic layout comparing reading scores throughout the district, which you would have seen if I remembered to bring a spare projection bulb.

'Fine presentation, Matthews, but, lose the wiggle dance.'

'A simple, 'profits are up', would have sufficed.'

"And as my chart clearly shows, I haven't got a clue what I'm talking about."

"Between you and me he's not the easiest man in the world to work for."

"This part we still need to iron out."

Motivational tip #731: Appeal to their sense of entitlement.

Confident Business Team - We Know We Can

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

'My pitch was going great until I let my guard down and somebody managed to squeeze a word in edgewise!'

"I can talk for hours without saying anything substantial in a completely incomprehensible way. That's why I'm called an expert."

Motivational Business Course: Charm, Repetition, Acronyms, Pie Charts.

"Sorry, Roger. The old laser pointer seems to be acting up again!"