Powerpoint Critic Gifts

"I only kill the messenger if PowerPoint is involved."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

'What I don't like about computers is that you can't fire them.'

"You need to take the weak parts of your presentation and work them into something that won't get you fired."

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

'And in conclusion, perhaps a change of business model is in order.'

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

'I'm very worried that if we fail to introduce rigid protocols to maximise client gratification indices within acceptable costbenefit parameters to ensure enhanced margins...then we'll have missed the whole point of what Christmas is about!!!'

'Do you know what I miss? - Chalk talks!'

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

'Fine presentation, Matthews, but, lose the wiggle dance.'

'I had every intention of giving you your pay check, Ken, but the payroll computer has decided you don't deserve it.'

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

Motivational tip #731: Appeal to their sense of entitlement.

"Between you and me he's not the easiest man in the world to work for."

"I can talk for hours without saying anything substantial in a completely incomprehensible way. That's why I'm called an expert."

'Nice presentation, but lighten up on the self-deprecating humor.'

Motivational Business Course: Charm, Repetition, Acronyms, Pie Charts.

Executive MFA

"Sorry, Roger. The old laser pointer seems to be acting up again!"

"Now go out there and give not just a good powerpoint presentation, but a great powerpoint presentation!!"

'Franklin, you need to put more life into your presentations.'

"Now let's walk through slide 67...'50 ways to make your presentation more exciting'."

"I don't want it to look like I don't appreciate your qualifications and experience, but you're talking a lot of crap."

Corporate urban legends

"Damn it, Eddie, you told me this script was stupid."