Powerpoint Pundit Gifts

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

"The inhabitants of Pluto today declared Earth not a planet..."

'At the sales department, we've got to meet our performance targets. We're not here to care about reality.'

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

"Fact amnesty"

Giant merger.

"Right now I'm mostly in cash."

"Take the severance package, Hayward. The rest of the board wanted a ritual slaying."

'This Power Point slide has a dynamic layout comparing reading scores throughout the district, which you would have seen if I remembered to bring a spare projection bulb.

'Just one criticism of you review of last night's opening play - you omitted to mention that the theatre burnt down while you were supposed to be there!'

"This plaque shows nine planets, but their transmissions say their system has eight."

Pie chart - What were we studying, again?

'Ed' 'Op-ed'

'That's the trouble with theae Chinese stocks -- an hour later you want to invest again.'

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

"This is our format: Three minutes to present your case, two minutes each for rebuttal, one minute for summing up, and thirty seconds for claiming victory."

"And that was the news. . . But please feel free to go online and vent your spite, spread your conspiracy theories and promote your ill-informed opinions. . ."

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

New Dross, Same as the Old Dross

'I have a twitter account to slag off my facebook friends and I use facebook to insult my followers on twitter.'

Old soldiers never die. They just become TV pundits.

"In view of climate change, I'd put all my money into ice cream, mineral water and weapons!"

'Before you get into the market, Mr. Root, we need to test your pain threshold!'

'Well,here's the answer to why your car has been running so rough in the mornings Mr.Tait...It's pregnant!'

"Yes, we can hear well at the back, but I'd be happy to change seats with anyone who can't..."

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

"I hope it's not contagious."

"If memory serves, the alternative to being a McGovern-nik was being a Nixon-nik."

Big government pig

'Oh, oh - it's tomorrow.'