Power Outage Commentator Gifts

'It's a repeat of last thursday's power cut.'

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'I hate playing in an inflatable dome during a power outage.'

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

The Fuse

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

Pundits

Defunding the police vs defunding education

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comment section just solved the Middle East crisis."

'And now, an NBS News Special Investigative Report: Why doesn't President Obama get the respect and support he deserves?'

'I called the electric company and told them not to hurry to restore power.'

Justice for a heckler.

Today stocks fell gently like snow dropping on cedars...

"The election is underway!"

Unsocial Networking.

Poking gentle fun at the company in the blog wasn't meant to include saying that the chief exec had a face like a baboons bottom.

"This week on Sunday Hot Takes, the wage gap between men and women - is it really such a bad thing? Jill, you hate other women, start us off with something awful."

'That's the end of the news - (B****RD MEN!!)'

"I'll be the superhero—you be the guy arguing about him online."

'And if you're not confused yet, you will be when this bloke has finished.'

"Tonight's big story... we're leaving you... it's not you, it's us..."

"...No, he can't really fly...no, the bad guys really don't have a ray gun...no, this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant..."

"After he got his cell phone, I'm only his second-best friend!"

'On a personal note, I'm happy to report that I've been promoted from the network's chief 'pundit' to chief 'pontificator'.'

Presidential Pardons of the Rich and Famous.

"Coming up on political gymnastics, the next candidate will try a triple reverse flip flop..."

'Once again, you were right only fifty percent of the time. Have you considered a career as a TV weatherman?'

'In a gesture of bipartisanship, the grand bargain was put on the table along with an assortment of cookies, fruit, canapes, pigs in blankets, and other horderves.'