Post-divorce Adventurer Pillows

"There goes my ex-husband and his Mid-Life crisis!"

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'Hey Kiddo, I think we'll have to stop to change your nappy...'

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

'I now pronounce you hooked and booked.'

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

Lawrence of Suburbia

"I just don't know what to do with myself in that long stretch after college but before social security."

Secrets of Adulthood.

'We tried living together, but that didn't work so we've decided to get married.'

"I signed up for 'Dressage Without the Horse.'"

"Do you, Paul Bergerson, take this traffic ticket..."

"It was very amicable—I gave her everything."

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'To be totally honest, our ship of matrimony is taking on water.'

"An 'Irish divorce' doesn't have quite the same ring to it as a 'Mexican divorce'."

"I have to go to school, then get a job, and then pay for my own stuff. Life is so unfair!"

'My brother was annoying until he got a car.'

Adult attention deficit disorders (A.A.D.D.)

"To the nearest barbershop, John."

'Off to pay your last respects,darling?'

Groom climbing up a cake to get to his wife.

'Regarding your skateboarding accident: I need a note from your wife as to why you did something so stupid.'

"I found myself in a strange place after my divorce - I think it was the kitchen."

"Could I borrow a cup of flour and your biscuit recipe?"

"Never ask a retired archaeologist to go find something in the basement."

"What - you can't fly and you can't lay eggs??! And you say that now?!"

"The goose keeps us ahead of inflation."