Post-box Punster Gifts

posting a flood insurance claim

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'Iguana know what time it is.'

Dogs life

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

Dog Walker

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

Mail Pattern Baldness - A man with a bald patch in the form of a mailing envelope.

Mystery of the Poets

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"Actually, There's a lot less pressure since I've gone from his best friend to his therapy dog."

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

Bitter End

Hamlet.

"Norman is an island."

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

'Ah look, what a lovely tortoise shell cat.'

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

'To save the state the expense of a trial, I thought I'd run off to Spain.'

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, all we ask for Mr. Whitman is poetic justice."

"Your manuscript is utter trash, of course. How does a half-million first printing sound to you?"

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

"Behold the geometry of pizza: square, circle and triangle."

'That's Princess... formerly 'Prince'.'