Post-apocalyptic Prepper Gifts

'I think I'll wait and buy one secondhand.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

A sun opens its mouth to eat a burning Earth

Zombie Problems

Cheer up-things aren't so bad.....

The End is Nigh

S.O.S. vaccine

Holiday Gifts 2020

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

The end is near - well, at least for the sandwich board guy.

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

The Ambivalence of a Nice Day in February

Judgment Day is coming next Monday. Repent. Now, hold on. How can I believe you when so many dire prophecies haven't come true? I sealed myself in a shelter twice in the late '60s, hid in the Appalachian Mountains a decade later. A huge bunching of Judgment Day visions in the late '80s led me to simply get a time share in the Colorado mountains … Getting out of town doesn't spare you Judgment Day. I don't think. Lemme double-check the clues in Marmaduke. Mostly I needed an excuse to get away. Th

"My next book? It will probably be about rising up and crushing humanity."

'You've got swine flu and I think it's begun to mutate.'

Hiker Followed By Paramedic

Trick or Treatment.

There's been lots of unexplained shaking and booming noises in the middle of the night - all over the world. Some thing earth's entered a part of space filled with meteors too big to burn up in our atmosphere. Others think governments are building a network of underground bases to save a select few from a coming apocalypse. A lot of people think the world's about to end, Susan. If it were anyone but you, I'd thinking this was a pickup line. For the first time in my life, all my favorite shows go

'It's the worst I've seen in this area. Lots of chicken pox going around.'

"Every time Trump wins a primary, we get one step closer."

When a nanosecond is forever.

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

Fair readers, please accept these personal tips for remaining healthy and germ free. Public service announcement! Keep your stress low. Exercise, eat right, hydrate and try to get a little affection in your life, if you get my meaning. If you use someone else's computer, wipe down the keyboard with alcohol to kill the germs. Ditto with the mouthpiece of a borrowed cellular phone. Don't touch anything or anyone. Bathe yourself in hand sanitizer. Don't leave the house, and if you do, don't inhale

"It would be unwise to attend an interview without doing any preparation in advance.

"As you can see, hands are about to hit peak dryness, so we're predicting record lotion sales for next quarter."

"Your 401(k) is a low-risk investment, other than a few stocks that happen to finance the end of human civilization as we know it."

An doomsayer stands at a waterfalls' edge.

Llamageddon and the Alpacalypse

I survived end of the world after party.

"Don't sweat the huge stuff."

"I think whatever's going to happen next has already happened."

Goldfish Insurance: " We must insure against a deluge of BIBLICAL proportions. . ."

"The asteroid will hit in 2032, but I’m prepared!"