Apocalypse Prepper Gifts

The End is Nigh

"The asteroid will hit in 2032, but I’m prepared!"

Zombie Problems

The Ambivalence of a Nice Day in February

"My next book? It will probably be about rising up and crushing humanity."

There's been lots of unexplained shaking and booming noises in the middle of the night - all over the world. Some thing earth's entered a part of space filled with meteors too big to burn up in our atmosphere. Others think governments are building a network of underground bases to save a select few from a coming apocalypse. A lot of people think the world's about to end, Susan. If it were anyone but you, I'd thinking this was a pickup line. For the first time in my life, all my favorite shows go

I need help with my assets, and I figured who better to ask than you, the most greedy person I've ever met? You flatter me, sir. The apocalypse is upon us. I can feel it in my bones. I've never believed material wealth was all that important, but still I want to make sure my retirement fund will survive, to provide for Sadie … who we know will be the only one standing when the dust clears. What's ludicrous. Really. Pretty sure it'll be just the roaches and Sadie. No, I mean … you have assets?

And so, guided by Rudy's new iPocalypse app that uses GPS technology and Google's extensive database, Rudy has finally identified the looming disaster. Bee-bee-beep. You have arrived at your fate. Slurp. Hi. Aaaaahhh!!!

A sun opens its mouth to eat a burning Earth

Vote Itzancucchan in 2012 and Die Well

The Ekert Saga: 'I just got an image of wall street guys having to deal with real bulls and bears.' - 'Well, yes...that'd be the upside to ahmageddon...'

'I'll just have time to finish the yard before the next bombing run begins.'

'Of course this game is educational; how else could I prepare for a zombie apocalypse.'

'The end is nigh'

End of Times

Toilet paper rush

Cheer up-things aren't so bad.....

Prepper Dog

"What the hell happened to this town?"

'Relax. This is only a test.'

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

Disasters

The End of the World is Nigh - man with placard

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

The end is near - well, at least for the sandwich board guy.

Judgment Day is coming next Monday. Repent. Now, hold on. How can I believe you when so many dire prophecies haven't come true? I sealed myself in a shelter twice in the late '60s, hid in the Appalachian Mountains a decade later. A huge bunching of Judgment Day visions in the late '80s led me to simply get a time share in the Colorado mountains … Getting out of town doesn't spare you Judgment Day. I don't think. Lemme double-check the clues in Marmaduke. Mostly I needed an excuse to get away. Th

Hiker Followed By Paramedic

How to survive the coming crash.

"Every time Trump wins a primary, we get one step closer."

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

When a nanosecond is forever.

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

Climate Change Contingency House

"I think whatever's going to happen next has already happened."

'My backup special...'